^O PLAYS EXCHANGED. 

PS 3529 
.S16 P4 




PETER 



Price, 15 Cents 



^^ 




COPYRIGHT, 1889. BY WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 



%# ^-r^ /^ -"-^T* • » TA^ 



Jl« IU« Pitiero's Plays 

Price, 50 eettts EacD 

TUr A M A 7nWQ Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, five fe- 
IflEi t\iiU\.L\Ji\D males. Costumes, modern; scenery, not 
difficult. Plays a full evening. 

THE CABINET MINISTER nSes, ^nine°^ema?es". Cos^ 
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I\AWnV nir'IT Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- 
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UfC UATTCr fM APni7P Comedy4n Four Acts. Nine males, 
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TUr UriDHV UriDQI? comedy in Three Acts. Ten males. 
irlEi nUDDI nUIViJEi nve femiiles. Costumes, modern; 
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inrc Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, 
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I PTTV I^rama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five 
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Sent prepaid on roceipt of price by 

Walttt H. pafeer & Company 

No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 



PETER 

A Farce in One Act 



HARRY OSBORNE 

Author of ^'' Smoke Vp^' etc. 



BOSTON 
WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

1913 



P3 35Z.1 



PETER 



CHARACTERS 

Jenny. 

Miss Eastman, her aunt, 

Charlie, a burglar. 

Costumes. — Modern. 
Time. — Twenty minutes. 




Copyright, 191 3, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 



S) 



C!.D 34801 



iL 



LIST OF PROPERTIES 

Dark lantern for Charlie. 

Book for Jenny. 

Revolver for Jenny (small). 

Covered basket for Charlie. 

Revolver for Charlie. 

Box of cigars on sideboard. 

Cigarette papers and tobacco for Charlie. 

Matches for Jenny. 

Decanter, whiskey glasses, drinking glasses on sideboard. 

Water bottle on table. 

High chair for Peter. 

Chicken bones and sandwiches for Charhe. 

Roll of bank-notes for Miss Eastman in sideboard. 



Peter 



SCENE. — A dining-room. A door at l. u. e. A door at 
R. u. E. and also at k. i. e. Sideboard against back wall 
at C. with cut glass, china, decanter, etc. See property list. 
Practical windoiij at back to l. of sideboard. Round dining 
table at c, ditiing chairs at sides of room. A Jiigh-chair at 
R. of sideboard. An upholstered fireside chair with back to 
audience at R. of table. A telephone on R. wall between the 
two doors. 

(^At rise stage is dark and moonlight streams through the 
window. A stealthy rasping ?ioise is heard at the win- 
dow at regular intervals — wifidow is raised and the dark 
figure of a man is seen poised for an instant in silhouette 
on the sill afid the?i drops silently into the room. He 
ope?is the slide of his dark lanterii and sweeps it around 
the room, letting it pause for a moment on R. door and 
then closing it. He crosses r. and stumbles over arm- 
chair afid is heard to mutter softly to himself. He exits 
R. A pause and Jenny enters l. and turns on lights 
using sivitch 7iear the door. Lights full up. She wean 
an eve?iing gown and carries aji open book in her hand. 
She is an indepefident type of girl, happy, daring disposi- 
tion. Quickly glances around the room.^ 

Jen, I'm sure I heard something. {Sees armchair at R. 
overturned.') That's what it was. (Crosses and rights chair ; 
speaks in hushed, frightened voice.) Some one knocked it 
over. (Sees open windozo and goes up quickly, looks out and 
listens, then faces front. ) A burglar ! He'll leave the same 
way he got in — I daren't telephone. {Goes to sideboard and 
takes a s?nall revolver from draiver and exa?nines it. A step 
is heard off r. She goes swiftly to L. atid switches off lights. 
A ma7i enters r., opens dark lantern. Jen. szvitches on lights 
and with leveled revolver speaks sharply, down l.) Hands 
up ! 



6 PETER 

(Charlie is carrying a covered basket in one hand and his 
latiterti in the other and at her conwiand drops them both 
a?id puts up his hands as far as they will go. He is not a 
dangerous criminal but an experienced thief who looks 
upon his dishonest profession as the easiest mode of exist- 
ence. He is low-browed, has ruddy complexioti, three or 
four days* growth of beard, shifting, crafty eyes. Old, 
ill-fitti?ig clothes, dark-colored cap, soft dark-colored shirt, 
no linen, gum shoes. Hoarse voice.) 

Char, (at about c). Go easy wid de hardware, lady; I — 
I'se got a weak heart. 

Jen. (sternly). Where's your revolver? 

Char, (cautiously lowering right hand to7aard coat pocket). 
I'll git it for yer. 

Jen. (sharply). Stop. None of that. (His arm goes up 
again.) Take off your coat. 

Char. Yes, lady. 

Jen. Don't hurry; if you even make a quick motion I'll 
pull the trigger. 

Char, (good-naturedly, removing his coat). Dat's all right, 
lady; you'se got der drop on me, ain't yer? You never catch 
me flirting wid no funeral procession. 

Jen. Lay it on the table. 

Char, (doing so). Don't git mad about it. 

Jen. (pointifig r.). Go over there. 

Char, (obeying, reproachfully). 'Scuse me, lady, but de 
icy tone of yer voice chills me to de bone. 

Jen. (searching the pockets^. You're too sensitive; you'll 
get slapped on the wrist some day and it'll make you cry. 

Char. Just because yer caught me wid de goods ain't no 
sign I ain't no gentleman — I wouldn't harm a hair of yer head. 

Jen. (taking revolver from pocket ). Of course you wouldn't 
— when I saw you first. (Throws back his coat.') Here, you 
look better with it on. 

Char, (putting on coat). If I t'ought dere was going ter 
be any ladies present I'd have worn me dress suit and blowed 
myself fer a shave and a hair cut. 

Jen. (etnpfyi?ig his revolver). You'll get the shave and 
hair cut for nothing. 

Char, (pleading). Awh, how kin yer be so cruel ? 

Jen. Now I'm going to have you telephone for the police. 

Char. Let me off dis time, lady, I'll never do it agin. 



PETER 7 

Jen. (^pointing to telephone). Call up the police station and 
tell them to hurry out and arrest a burglar. 

Char, (without moving). Sorry, lady, but I never used a 
telephone in all me life. 

Jen. (^pointing revolver). I know, but it's time you began 
— now get busy. 

Char, (not losing a second). Hey, central, hey, give me 
de police station, quick. What's dat, busy? (Hangs 7ip.) 
Too bad — she says de line is busy. 

Jen. Do I look as easy as all that ? (Points revolver.) Go 
back there and get them. 

Char. Yes, lady. (At 'phone.) Hey, hey dere, say, 
central, I want yer to give me de police station. What's dat? 
Naw, naw, don't hand me not'ing like dat — is dat so? (Hangs 
up sadly.) Ain't it a shame ? She says de line is out of order. 

Jen. Now you've stalled around long enough. (Closes in 
with leveled revolver?) I'll give you one more chance and if 
you don't get them, I'll ring up the coroner myself. 

Char, (with alacrity). Hey dere, central, fer de last time 
give me de station, will yer? (Pause.) Hello, hello! Say, 
bo, tell de sergeant ter send de wagon over — sure we caught a 
feller wid de goods — one man will be enough — wait a second. 
(To Jen.) What's de number ? 

Jen. 814 Lafayette Street ; tell them to hurry. 

Char. 814 Lafayette Street — dat's right. (Hangs up.) 

Jen. Don't you know it's wrong to steal? 

Char. I got to Hve, ain't I? 

Jen. You're strong and healthy; why don't you go to 
work? 

Char. Work don't agree wid me ; you know I got a weak 
heart 

Jen. (scornfully). Weak knees, you mean. You ought to 
be ashamed of yourself. 

Char. Ain't I? It's a terrible disgrace — ter git caught. 

Jen. So that's all you think of. 

Char, (ruefully). It's bad enough ter git stuck up by a 
bull but when it's a woman 

Jen. You're not the first man's been caught by a woman. 

Char, {pleading). Lady, I'se de victim of circumstances. 
I 

Jen. (sternly). Open that basket. I want to see what you 
stole. 

Char, (getting down on his knees), I didn't git much. 



8 PETER 

Jen. You mean you didn't leave muich. 

Char, {loosenhig the clasps). Yer wrong me, lady; I 
didn't take not'ing but de Angorie cat. 

Jen. {astounded'). Huh? Cat — what's that? 

Char, {calmly). Sure, dat's what I said. {Opens lid.) 
You kin see fer yourself. 

Jen. {laying down her revolver a?id getting doivfi to help 
him). It's Peter ! Close it, close it, lock it. 

Char. Wot fer ? 

Jen. He'll get away — be careful — hurry. There, now he 
can't get out. {She rises, draws a long breath of relief a?id 
her manner changes frofft stern command to cordiality and 
ki?idness. Laughs.) Say, what's your name? 

Char. Huh, my name? Charlie. 

Jen. Is that the only name you have ? 

Char. It's dc only one I'm sure of. 

Jen. {offering her ha?id). Shake; I'm glad to know you. 

Char, {awkwardly). Sure, so be I. 

( While he is pleased at the nerv turn of affairs he is also 
suspicious that she either has gone crazy or is playing a 
game too deep for him and is therefore on his guard.) 

Jen. I suppose you're not such a bad sort after all {going 
up), although appearances and your profession are against you. 
{Takes box of cigars from sideboard.) Do you smoke? {As 
he suspiciously hesitates.) They belong to my brother, so I 
know they won't kill you. 

Char, {taking one). T'anks, lady ; kin I smoke in here ? 

Jen. Certainly ; make yourself at home. 

Char, {pausitig i?i co7itemplation). Gee, but it's a long 
time since I've smoked a Ready Made. 

Jen. Ready Made ? 

Char. Sure; I makes 'em to order. Would yer be 
offended if I saved dis fer anot'er time ? 

Jen. Certainly not ; put a few in your pocket. 

Char, {helping himself). T'anks, lady. 

{Putting the cigars in his pocket he produces a cigarette 
paper and loose tobacco and deftly rolls a cigarette.) 

Jen. You may put that *' hardware " as you call it back in 
your pocket. 

Char, {grinning). De war is over, eh ? 
Jen. It is if you do as I tell you. 



PETER 9 

Char. First yer dazzle me wid yer beautiful face and figure 
and den yer suffocate me wid yer winning ways. 

Jen. {holdi7ig lighted matcJi). Cut out the compliments, 
Charlie, and have a light. 

Char. T'anks ; I don't care if I do. 

Jen. Now tell me, what were you going to do with Peter ? 

Char, {slipping his revolver in his pocket). Sell him; 
w'at do yer suppose? 

Jen. I didn't know but that you wanted him for a com- 
panion in your old age. 

Char, (proudly). I've sold lots of cats — it's my "spe- 
ciahty." 

Jen. You can't sell Peter. He took the first prize at the 
cat show last week and his pictures and description are in all 
the papers. 

Char. Dat's how I got wise ter him. 

Jen. You would be arrested for selling stolen property. 

Char, (scornfully). Naw, not'ing as coarse as dat. I just 
trim his whiskers and dye his fur a little and his own mother 
wouldn't know him. 

Jen. (eagerly). Can you do it without hurting him ? 

Char, (confidently). Sure I kin. 

Jen. Can you take him so far away he won't ever find his 
way back ? 

Char. Sure ; I got a customer waiting fer him. 

Jen. (decisively). All right ; go ahead and sell him. 

Char, (warily). Lady, I don't know w'at ye're trying ter 
pull, but I t'ink ye're stringing me. Now I don't care not'ing 
about de cat — ^just let me git out of here before de cops blow 
in 

Jen. (reaching for her revolver). If you attempt to leave 
without that cat, I'll certainly turn you over to the police. 

Char. Sure I'll take him along, but how about de cops ? 

Jen. I'll send them away if you'll promise. 

Char. Sure. What's de matter ? Have yer got a grouch 
on de cat ? 

Jen. Sit down and I'll tell you about it. (She goes to side- 
board and gets decanter J glasses, etc. ; water bottle is on table.) 
Will you have a little drink ? 

Char. I never refused but once and den I was a long 
ways off. 

( They pour out two drinks and touch glasses J) 



10 PETER 

Jen. Here's to your success. (Char, takes his off luith a 
relish while Jen. pours hers over the side of the table.) In 
the first place, I hate cats. It may be foolish but I can't help 
it. My aunt loves and adores them. That's foolish but she 
can't help it either. If I'd let her she'd have a hundred — 
she'd turn the house into a cat farm — a cattery. She's crazy 
about Peter. It gets on my nerves and makes me really ill. 
He has the best room in the house, eats at the same table — 
there's his high chair (^poittting up r.) ; he's the first served 
and always gets the best of everything. He gets petted and I 
get scratched. I can't endure it any longer. If it wasn't for 
him I'd be perfectly happy. 

Char, {contemptuously). Why don't yer tie a brick ter him 
an' drown 'im ? 

Jen. Nine times? It's too long a process. No; you see 
my aunt knows how I hate him and has made me promise 
never to harm even one of his lives. 

Char, {talking louder as his dri?ik takes effect). Lady, I 
sympathize wid yer an' I'm glad ter help yer out. 

Jen. Not so loud ; you'll wake my aunt — she sleeps right 
overhead. 

Char. 'Scuse me, lady, 'sense me — don't yer hear a noise? 

Jen. {listening). No ; what is it ? 

Char. I t'ink I hear dat drink I had a-calling fer its mate. 

{Laughs boisterously.) 

Jen. {stopping him). Sh ! Don't laugh — help yourself. 
(Char, pours out another drink.) Wouldn't you like a bite 
to eat? I think there's some cold chicken. 

Char. Say, bo, me and cold chicken has drifted apart — 
we don't even speak. 

Jen. Are you willing to make up ? 

Char, {luith convictioii). I are. 

Jen. All right ; I'll fix it up with the chicken. 

{Exit Jen., l. Char, helps himself to another^ then leans 
back and expands.) 

Char. Gee, but dis is de gay life— if de rest of de gang 
could only see me now. 

Enter Jen., l., with plate of chicken sandwiches, 

Jen. There you are ; don't waste any time. 



PETER I I 

Char, {starting in). Dat wine did sure give me an appe- 
tite. 

Jen. Glad you liked it. 

Char. De finest I ever tasted. 

JfiN. How much are you going to sell Peter for? 

{Before Char, can answer Miss Eastman's voice is heard 

ofR.) 

Miss E. {off R.). Jenny ! {Rising inflection.) 

Jen. {upset). Heavens, my aunt ! She heard us. {^Goes 
to R. L. E.) Yes, auntie. 

Miss E. {off R.). Is that you ? What are you doing ? 

Jen. Oh, nothing. 

Miss E. {off R.). I heard voices. Who's with you ? 

Jen. Oh, only a friend, auntie. 

Miss E. {off r,). A friend at this hour ! What friend ? 

Jen. {to Char.). Can't you help me out? What shall I 
tell her ? 

Char, {between mouthfuls). Oh, tell her it's an ^/^/ friend. 

Jen. It — it's an old friend. 

Miss E. {off r.). Well, I'm coming right down. 

Jen. [shoving the basket over). Here, take him and fly. 

(Char, grabs the basket and runs to the window but just as 
he reaches it a policeman' s tvhistle is heard off back and 
he twists himself out of range.) 

Char, {ifi hoarse whisper). De cops ! 

Jen. {resolutely). Go in there. {Foifits to r. u. e.) I'll 
send them away. 

Char. How about de ole lady ? 

Jen. {looking him over). You don't look much like a friend, 
do you ? 

Char, {hopefully). I kin slick up a little. 

Jen. You'll find my brother's dress suit in there — get into 
it — hurry. (Char, lays basket on table atid exits r. u. e. 
Jen. leans out the window.) What do you want ? 

Voice Outside (Char, can do this). Where's the burglar ? 

Jen. Burglar ? What burglar ? There must be some mis- 
take. 

Voice. A man telephoned a few minutes ago that you'd 
caught a burglar out here. Isn't this 814? 



12 PETER 

Jen. Yes, that's the number, but my aunt and I live here 
alone ; my brother is away. 

Enter Miss E., r. l. e. She is about fifty, has her hair done 
for the night aiid wears dressing gozvn and slippers. 

Voice. Come on, Bill ; I told you it was a bum steer. 

Miss E. Who are you talking to ? 

Jen. a poUceman {laughing) ; he wanted to know if we 
had a burglar. 

Miss E. A burglar? Well, no wonder with the window 
open this time of night. Where's your friend? 

Jen. (^pointing up r.). He just stepped in there to — {ct 
loud thump, thump and a bang heard off R. as Char, gets in 
trouble, then quiet) to — to change his linen. 

Miss E. If he ever changed his clothes, he'd wreck the 
house. 

Jen. Auntie dear, you can't let him see you this way — I 
want you to look your best. 

Miss E. I know — you don't want me to meet your friend 
at all. 

Jen. Auntie ! How can you say such a thing ? 

Miss E. {firmly). 1 shall stay right here. 

Jen. Suit yourself, but 1 know he'll be shocked at your ap- 
pearance — he's — he's very fastidious. 

{Another commotion off r. louder than before.) 

Miss E. {sarcastic). That may be but he's an awful loud 
dresser. 

Jen. {badly fussed). Well, you see he's not accustomed 
to dressing himself — he's almost helpless without his valet. 
{Enter Char. r. u. e. in a dress suit several sizes too large, 
hat is too small afid gloves too large. He has had a hard tifne 
getting into it, and, together with the drinks he had, is red, 
puffing, and unsteady.) Well, Charlie, how do you feel? 

Char. I'm feeling all righ', hie, how do I look? 

Miss E. Jenny, why don't you introduce me? 

Jen. Oh, excuse me. Charlie, this is my aunt whom you 
have heard me speak of so often. Miss Eastman. 

Char. {sitti?ig back of table). We was jes' talkin' about 
yer a minute ago. 

Miss E. {distrustfully). I never knew you had a friend 
named Charlie. What's his full name? 



PETER 13 

Jen. Oh, I forgot 

Miss E. (^quickly). Forgot his full name? 

Jen. No, no, I mean I forgot to tell you his full name. 

(Char, is only dimly conscious of what is being said atid 
710W rises with slow and offended but unsteady dignity.^ 

Char. Did yer say full, madame ? I hope no one ain't 
insinua — insinuatin' I've drunk more'n a gentl'man should. 

Jen. No, no, of course not; I was merely teUing auntie 
your last name. 

Char. De last name I had was Smith. 

i^He sits down quickly, wipes his mouth with the back of his 
hand and becomes absorbed in the chicken.) 

Jen. Yes, Smith is his name but I always call him Charlie. 

Miss E. Mr. Smith, have you known my niece very long ? 

Char. We used ter play together when we was kids. 

Miss E. Is that so? Why didn't you tell me you were 
expecting Mr. Smith ? 

Jen. Because I wasn't exactly expecting him — he — he sur- 
prised me. 

Char, (relishing the idea'). I surprised her and den she 
surprised me. 

(Jen. at l. of table motions him to keep still. He is back 
of table, Miss E. at r.) 

Miss E. Jenny surprised you ? How could that be ? 

Char. You see, it was dis shway. I was going t' rough de 
house and 

Jen. (pulling at his sleeve). No, no; he means he was 
going through the town. 

Char, (^stubbornly) . I said, going t'rough de house and 

Jen. (putting her pistol against his cheek). You said house 
but you meant town, didn't you ? 

Char, (wilting). Lady, I'se got a weak heart; anyt'ing 
you say goes. 

Miss E. Lady ? Why does he call you lady ? 

Jen. Oh, that's an old nickname, isn't it, Charlie? 

Char. Sure, she began to raise de old nick de minute she 
set eyes on me. 

Miss E. Jenny, I do not consider it proper for you to re- 
ceive, ah — er — (Jooking at him doubtfully) visitors at this 
hour. 



14 PETER 

Jen. This is how it was, auntie. Charlie was going through 
the town — (Char, gives her a reproachful look) and couldn't 
get anything to eat at this hour. So he looked me up and I 
couldn't let an old friend go away hungry. 

Miss E. Is he going to stay here over night ? 

Jen. {in alarm). Heavens, no; that is, I mean he — he 
has to catch a train. (Sternly.) Charlie, your train leaves in 
a few minutes. 

Char. Who said anyt'ing about trains ? 

Jen. You did, of course. {Gives him a look and goes over 
to Miss E.) He always had a terrible memory; he just told 
me his train left in fifteen minutes and now he's forgotten all 
about it. 

Miss E. That isn't all he forgot — did he ever have any 
manners ? 

Jen. Sh ! You'll hurt his feelings — he's a diamond in the 
rough. 

Miss E. {cynically). Soap and water would help — I'm not 
favorably impressed. 

Jen. That's because you haven't learned to know him. 

(Char, has been busy with the chicken.) 

Miss E. {turning to him). I presume you have seen better 
days? 

Char, {risifig unsteadily). I hope no one ain't insinu- 
ating 

Jen. {pulling him down). You'll see a whole lot worse in 
a minute. 

(Miss E. goes to chair farther r.) 

Miss E. What did you say ? 

Char, {as Jen. threatens). Yis, mum, I has. 

Miss E. {sternly). What is your business ? 

(Jen. walks over l., badly worried how to get rid of him 
and the cat.) 

Char. I ain't any business ; I'm a professional. 

Miss E. {sarcastically). And what is your profession ? 

Char, {calmly). Cats. 

(Jen. whirls in alarm. Miss E. shows delighted sus- 
pense.) 



PETER 15 

Miss E. Cats ? Why, why, what do you mean ? 
Char, (^proudly). I'se a cat expert — I learns 'em tricks. 

(Jen. throws up her hands m despair. Miss E. rushes to 
Char, and shakes both his hands. ^ 

Miss E. {enthusiastic). Oh, Mr. Smith, I'm so glad to 
meet you — cats are my hobby. 

Jen. (angry). He don't know any more about cats than 
I do. 

Char, (brazenly). Isdatso? 

Jen. (tearfully). Oh, Charlie, I never thought this of you. 

Miss E. You must excuse my niece, Mr. Smith ; she has a 
foolish aversion to cats. 

Char. It's pitiful, ain't it? 

Miss E. You know I have a beautiful Angora cat, Peter, 
who took the first prize at the cat show last week. 

(Jen. wrings her hands.) 

Char. Yis, mum, I read about him. 

Miss E. You did? How lovely ! (Picks up the basket.) 
You must stay over night. Is this your luggage ? 

(Jen. potmces on the basket as Miss E. lays it on the table.) 

Jen. (in alarm). Be careful, auntie. 

Miss E. (impatiently). Why, what's the matter ? 

Jen. (highly flustered). It — it'll break. 

Miss E. Break ? What will break ? 

Jen. I mean it — it will break away. 

Char, (reaching for the basket). Bot' of yer break away ; 
dis belongs ter me. 

Miss E. {in rapture). Stay over to-night, Mr. Smith, and 
in the morning I'll show you Peter. 

Char. I kin soon tell if he's full blooded or not. 

Jen. (forcibly). Charlie, have you forgotten the customer 
who is waiting for you ? You must catch that train. 

Char. Dat's right, I did fergit. 

Miss E. Can't you stay, Mr. Smith? 

Char, (looking at Jen. who is regarding him sternly). No, 
mum, I can't. 

Miss B. {with determination). Then you must see Peter 
before you go. 

Jen. (in horror). Oh, no, auntie. 



16 PETER 

Miss E. Certainly he shall see him ; why not ? 

Jen. {stumped). Because — that is, you see — why, auntie, 
it's impossible. 

Miss E. Impossible ? The very idea. He shall see him 
and at once. 

Jen. No, no, auntie; some other time — he's in a 
hurry 

Miss E. {suspicious). Jenny, why don't you want Mr. 
Smith to see Peter ? 

Jen. {recovering her 7ierve). Do you think it would be kind 
to wake poor Peter out of sound sleep at this hour of the 
night? {With feeling.) It's inhuman. 

Miss E. Ordinarily I wouldn't do it but in a case like this 
it is different. Go and get him, Jenny. Mr. Smith will ex- 
cuse you, I'm sure. 

Char, (^grinning). Sure t'ing. 

Jen. {with conviction). No, auntie, I cannot do it. 

Miss E. I never before knew you to be so considerate of 
Peter's feelings. 

Jen. You never before asked me to do such a cruel and 
heartless thing. 

Miss E. (impatiently). Nonsense ; go and get him. 

Jen. {firmly). No, you have my answer. 

Miss E. {rising). Then I'll have to go myself. 

Jen.*(?>^ a panic). No, no, auntie, please don't go — really 
I — I couldn't think of letting you go. 

Miss E. {going r.). We've wasted enough time already — 
you must be out of your head. 

Jen. {detaining her). Wait, auntie, just a moment 

Miss E. Well ? 

Jen. If you insist upon waking poor Peter at this unearthly 
hour, of course I'll go, but — but I don't approve of it. 

Miss E. Never mind about that ; hurry along. 

Jen. {going). I'll only be a moment. 

(Miss E. comes back to table and Jen. pauses at r. to mo- 
tion frantically to Char, to get out. Char. 7iods assent 
and as Miss E. turns to see the cause Jen. exits quickly.) 

Miss E. What were you nodding for ? 
Char. She gave me de ole high sign, dat's all. 
Miss E. How much time have you, Mr. Smith ? 
Char. Only a couple of minutes. 



PETER 17 

Miss E. I'm so sorry you have to hurry and just think if I 
hadn't heard your voice I would not have seen you at all. 

Char. Yes, and you'd never have seen w'at I'se got in dis 
basket either. 

Miss E. No, I suppose not ; what is it ? 

Char, {confidentially). De finest Angorie cat dat ever 
chased a canary. 

Miss E. A cat ? Oh, why didn't you tell me before ? 

Char. Didn't want ter when de gal was around, 'cus she 
hates 'em so. 

Miss E. {all excitement). Yes, yes of course ; do let me see 
him. 

Char. Jest let me tell yer about him first. 

Miss E, Have you his pedigree ? 

Char. Yes, but 1 left it home in de secretary — he's a full 
blooded Angorie 

Miss E. How lovely ! 

Char. And he looks enough like de pictures of your Peter 
ter be his twin brother. 

Miss E. How remarkable ! 

Char. Ain't it, t'ough ? {Sets the basket on the high 
backed upholstered chair to R. of table.) Dere own mother 
couldn't tell 'em apart. 

Miss E. Do hurry before Jenny comes. 

(She goes above chair as he opens the basket.) 

Char. W'at d' yer think of dat ? 

Miss E. {clasping her hands). Oh, he's the living image 
of my Peter. I could never tell them apart. 

Char, {proudly). What did I tell yer ? 

Miss E. What makes him so quiet ? 

Char. He was out on a catnip spree last night and he ain't 
got over it yit. 

Miss E. Oh, he's a darling and what a fine playmate he 
would make for Peter. Is he for sale ? 

Char, {sadly). I'd hate to part wid him, lady, but I may 
have to. 

Miss E. You know sometimes I fancy Peter gets a little 
lonesome and 

Char. Sometimes dey gets so lonesome dey pines away 
and dies. 

Miss E. They do ? Oh, how you frighten me I 



I 8 PETER 

Char. Does he ever lay out in de sun vvid his eyes half 
closed ? 

Miss E. Oh, lots of times. 

Char, (very serious). Dat's a sure sign. 

Miss E. I must get a companion for Peter at once — won't 
you sell him to me ? 

Char. It breaks me heart, lady, but I does need de coin. 

Miss E. How much will you take for him ? 

Char. All dat you've got handy. I know it ain't enough 
but I'se got to catch dat train. 

Miss E. (inspired). Wait ; my niece gave me a hundred 
dollars yesterday for a birthday present ; will that be enough ? 

Char. He's wort' more, but if you'll promise ter be good 
to him and 

Miss E. {going to sideboard). Is it a bargain ? 

Char. *Tis fer you but it's a terrible blow ter me. 

Miss E. I'll always be good to him and you can come to 
see him as often as you like. (Gets money fro77i drawer.) 

Char. I'll never have de nerve to come around here agin. 

Miss E. (givi?ig him the money). Yes, it is too bad you 
have to part with him but now Peter will have a companion — 
it may save his life. 

Char. Sure it will. 

Miss E. (hovering over the chair'). What's his name ? 

Char. I ain't named him yit. 

Miss E. Then I'll call him Paul — Peter and Paul go so 
well together. See, he likes me already. 

Char, (anxious to he off). Sure, he knows you better'n 
you know him. 

Miss E. Of course ; they always know their friends. 

Char. I'se got ter git out of here or my feelings will over- 
come me. 

Miss E. Without seeing dear Peter ? Oh, you must wait 
just a moment — what can be keeping her ? (Char, hears 
Jen.'s step in the hall and grabbing his basket under his arm 
reaches the window with a jump and a slide.') Why, what's 
the matter ? 

Char. I t'ought I heard de train. 

Enter Jen., r. door. 

Miss E, Where's Peter ? 

Jen. Auntie, I just couldn't do it. 

Miss E. What ? 



PETER 19 

Jen. It — it was impossible. 

Miss E. I never heard of such foolishness and keeping Mr. 
Smith waiting too — he must be terribly put out. 

Char. Yis, mam, I'se so put out I'se going ter git out. 
Reservoir, ladies. 

(^He drops out of the window.^ 

Miss E. {running to the window). There, you see what 
you've done — he may have broken his leg. 

Jen. {laughing, much relieved). The only thing he'll break 
is the speed limit. 

Miss E. {coming down). What a strange, tender-hearted 
fellow he is. 

Jen. He's a good friend of mine all right. 

Miss E. {taking ]'e.'^ .* s> face in her ha?ids, tenderly). Jenny, 
I can see by your unwillingness to wake Peter that you have ex- 
perienced a change of heart — perhaps you have begun to care 
for him just a little — have I guessed the truth ? 

Jen. {uncomfortable). I'll admit I feel a little differently 
about him. 

Miss E. Who knows, you may even have grown fond of 
him. 

Jen. {aside). Absence makes the heart grow fonder. 
{Aloud.) I'm tired and sleepy; let's go to bed. 

Miss E. {in aflutter). Wait, dear ; I've a little confession 
to make. 

Jen. Huh, confession ? 

Miss E. You remember that basket Mr. Smith had? 

Jen. {startijig violently). Basket, basket ? Yes, yes, what 
of it? 

Miss E. {penitently). Well — it contained a beautiful Angora 
cat — he looked just like Peter and I bought him with that hun- 
dred dollars you gave me, 

Jen. {screaming at top of her voice). Oh ! 

{Throws up both arms and swoons in chair.) 

Miss E. There, I should never have told her so soon — I 
might have known she couldn't stand it. [Throws water on 
her from table.) There, there, poor dear, do you feel better 
now ? 

Jen. (co?ning to, very cross). No — worse ; where is the cat ? 

Miss E. {goi?ig up and pointing). Right there. 



OCT 22 1913 

20 PETER 

Jen. {joining her). That thing ? Why, that's Peter. 

Miss E. (Jn amazement). Peter ? 

Jen. Certainly — Charlie was a burglar — I caught him in 
the act of stealing Peter — you paid a hundred dollars for your 
own cat. 

Miss E. {shrieking). Oh, my soul ! 

(Closes her eyes a?id falls limp in Jen.'s arms.) 



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B. m* Pinero's Plays 

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Min PHANNFT Pl'^yi" Four Acts. Six males, five females. 
*"*'-'"V'"*^i^i"*^*-« Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. 
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THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH iS^'Si^TJ 

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THF PRflFlTPATF Play in Four Acts. Seven males, five 
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THF QPHnni MKTPFQQ Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, 
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THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY|!grIX,^?v'e 

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QWFFT I AVFlSiriFP Comedvin Three Acts. Seven males, 
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THF THTTAinrPRniT Comedv in Four Acts. Ten males, 
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THF TIMF^ Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. 
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THF WFAIfFR QFY Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, 
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AWirr WITUniTT a QMII V comedy in Three Acts. 
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TBP AWAITFMKfi ^^^J i^ F*^"^ --^cts. By C. H. chambers. 
lUL, ATTi\II.L.11UlU Jour males, six females. Scenerjs not diffi- 
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THE FRUITS OF ENLIOBTENMENT gT^/oi™!" Tw4t^: 

one males, eleven females. Scenery, c7 iracteristic interiors; cos- 
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HIS EXCELLENCY THE GOVERNOR I»'J,THlS-,t^''\?2 

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AN inFAl HTNRAND comedy in lom- Acts. ByOscAK WiLDE. 
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Wilde. Five males, four females. Costumes, modern ; scenes, two 
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LADY WINDERMERE'S FAN ^!;i:Sr"'^Z';^,^SSrii 

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NATHAN HAIF Play in Four Acts. By Clyde Fitch. Fifteen 
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THF HTHFP FFTf HW Comedv in Three Acts. BvM. B. Horne. 
LUL, UIULU rLULrUIT six males, four finales.' Scenery, two 
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THE TYRANNY OF TEARS ^^S^^.^.^S..Xe. t 

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A WOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE ^^^^:'h^l^„^, 

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